You can't touch it, but it affects how you feel. You can't see it, but it's there when you look at yourself in the mirror. You can't hear it, but it's there every time you talk about yourself. What is this important but mysterious thing? It affects every aspect of your life. How wonderful or terrible this feels is determined by your inner voices. What do your inner voices say?
     
You can't touch it, but it affects how you feel. You can't see it, but it's there when you look at yourself in the mirror. You can't hear it, but it's there every time you talk about yourself. What is this important but mysterious thing? It's your self-esteem!

Self-esteem doesn't require you to brag about how great you are. It's a quiet understanding that you're worth a lot, and if fact, you're priceless! It's not about thinking you're perfect because nobody can achieve perfection.  In actuality, having a healthy self-esteem requires you to know that you're worthy of being loved and accepted. You must know you are a “Goddess” or “God.”

Of course it's acceptable for your feelings to have ups and downs, but having low self-esteem isn't acceptable. Feeling like you're not important can make you depressed, and as a result, you may feel discouraged from trying new things. When you have negative feelings in regards to yourself, then you can prevent success when you have the potential to attain and deserve that success. Feeling poorly about yourself can even prevent you from having a loving, intimate relationship.

If you grow up being told negative messages like you are dumb, unsuccessful, or fat, then you may believe these messages are true, even if they are not. After all, the adults in our life know the truth, right? That is a child's misconception because unfortunately, the adults in our life do not know the truth. Unfortunately, children typically believe what they are told even if the message is negative and/or false.
 
You can develop a core belief that you are unintelligent if that message is communicated often enough. Even though you may be very smart, you believe what you are told. In this case, you may go through life validating that wrong core belief by noticing every “dumb” thing you do. The Native Americans call this habit the “Dark Dance.” When you do something “smart,” then you see it as a fluke or call it untrue.
 
If you have a core belief that you will never amount to anything, then you may even sabotage any success you attain or almost attain. Our self-esteem is built on the foundation of these old messages. Even when you are faced with great success and accomplishment, you may only hear the negative little voice that says, “You are nothing.” 
 
Stopping the "Dark Dance" is difficult, and it takes concentrated attention. A good place to start is by getting a reality check on the truth about yourself. Then, you can notice, for instance, every intelligent thing you do instead of the “dumb” things. When you hear negative comments in your head, tell yourself to stop. When you do this, you take the power away from the negative, discouraging voice inside. You may find it helpful to write the truth somewhere you see it often. Try a sticky note on the bathroom mirror saying, “You are a smarty,” or “Look at the successful person in this mirror.”

By focusing on your great qualities and the positive things you do, you learn to love and accept yourself. Then you already have the two main ingredients for strong self-esteem! Even if you have strong self-esteem, everyone has room for improvement.  You can realize you're valuable and important.  This realization allows your self-esteem to shine.
 
 When is the last time you truly felt joy? Can you arrive at a place in your life where you feel ecstasy? Joy and ecstasy are top priorities for feelings. How do you attain that over the top joy experience? Is it even possible today in the world's current condition? When you feel negatively about yourself, joy is hard to attain. A negative core belief can sabotage your joy and ecstasy.
 
In his novel entitled Ecstacy, Robert A. Johnson states, “It is a great tragedy of contemporary Western society that we have virtually lost the ability to experience the transformative power of ecstasy and joy.” Is he right? Have we told our children how dumb, ugly, unwanted, and unsuccessful they are to the point joy is no longer attainable for them? As adults, do we concentrate on the negative so much that our own ability to feel joy and ecstasy has disappeared? Do we watch the world condition and let it add to the negative inner voice already present?
 
Explore your beliefs about yourself. Get a reality check. Tell yourself the truth and stick with it. Your inner “Goddess” or “God” wants you to feel the joy that is yours. Feel the wonderful person that lives inside your skin. Let out your inner “Goddess” or “God.” Concentrate on the positive aspects in your life. Remember, you get what you notice. Notice what you want more, more, and more. Let out your true self and be joyful. Be your inner “Goddess” or “God.”
Don’t try to take huge steps if your core belief about yourself is negative. Start with baby steps, and you can work your way to the enormous ones. Give yourself the gift of “yourself” -- pure and true. 
May your week be interspersed with the moments of pure joy you find.
 
©Copyright 2010 by Yvonne Sinclair M.A., LMFT. All Rights Reserved. All material is owned and protected. Reproduction without the express written consent of the author is forbidden.