Hello, my darling Goddesses and welcome to a guide that teaches you how to reveal your inner Goddess. Yes, you are a Goddess. Let us embark on a journey to find your inner Goddess if you are not in touch with her already. If you know your Goddess (a little or even a lot), then this exercise will still be an advantageous means to become reacquainted with her.

Knowing yourself is difficult sometimes. If we are taught to ignore our own feelings, then we tend to be out of touch with our true dreams and inner wishes. In this circumstance, our Goddess is lost and unknown. As a child, were you told statements such as the following?: "Don't cry. You are okay," or "Stop being mad. You have nothing to be mad about." These are statements that condition you to ignore yourself and your feelings. These statements ultimately cause you to hide your Goddess. Let us find her!

When you awake in the morning, before you open your eyes, imagine what your world would be like if it was just as you wished. In this ideal world, there are no limits, no borders, and no voices from the past declaring you "can't." What would your world be like? Only you can decide. Have a great time with this.

I would like to recommend Mama Gena's School of Womanly Arts, a fantastic book written by Regena Thomashauer. This is an unusual self-help book. It is not intended to be read in one or two sittings. It is best to read a single chapter at a time and then let her ideas and information settle. This is not a book about how to please your man. This is a book about how to please yourself. You cannot be a Goddess without knowing how to please yourself and how to be pleased with yourself. I am going to include some excepts from Mama Gena's book here to help you get started.

"Using the Power of Pleasure to Have Your Way with the World," as Mama Gena states. "I want you to start thinking about the life you would have if you could. I want you to envision your own fantasyland. Give free rein to this vision of your desired lifestyle, and don't let it be dominated by someone else's plans for you."

Here's the first step: let's get started in finding your inner Goddess now! So, let's start with you and your relationship. I would like to you discover your rights. If you know you have rights, and they are completely clear to you, then this will be a review. You may even find a new niche of information you didn't know before.

We may assume we do not have rights in a relationship or even in the world in general. When we put our needs first or expect our views to be respected, we may feel selfish. We may think it is bad to ever make a mistake. We may feel we must always be flexible, consistent, and logical. We may feel our emotions are not as important as our partner's emotions. These are all mistaken assumptions.
Each person has rights. 

These rights include the following:
the right to make mistakes,
the right to have respected and honored feelings,
the right to a voice in what happens in the relationship,
the right to privacy when/where you feel the need,
the right to put yourself first,
the right to ask for emotional support,
the right to ask for sex, and a right to respect the answer,
the right to change your mind,
and the right to be wrong.
In a healthy relationship, these rights are honored and respected.

Irrational ideas can interfere with your relationship with Miss Goddess. These ideas may even hinder your ability to communicate with yourself and others. These irrational ideas may keep you from experiencing the joy and happiness waiting for you.

Irrational ideas are beliefs that are not true. 
Here are some examples of irrational ideas:
*There is a solution to all problems.
*Your history determines your present behavior, and you are not in charge of changing that behavior for the future.
*You can make another person mad.
*Happiness comes from an external factor such as from someone else, and you have no ability to be happy without help.
*An adult must be loved and respected by all other people.
*If you are not completely competent and successful, then you are worthless. If circumstances are not the way you desire, then it is the end of the world. It is easier to avoid facing problems, difficulties, and responsibilities than it is to face these issues.
*You are nothing without a partner.

Okay, you get the idea now. You are important. What you think, feel, want, and need are all real, all necessary, and all right. Your reality is right for you. No one can say you are feeling "wrong" because your feelings just exist. They are "right" for you.
"Should" interferes with your ability to be on the same page with your partner. When are told that you "should" do something, then the speaker infers that he or she knows what you need and does not respect your right to decide for yourself.

Taking everything personally is a result of distorted thinking. Distorted thinking patterns can interfere with your Goddess revealing herself. Sometimes things are just "not about us." You must learn to look at the issues in your "basket" as opposed to the issues in another person's "basket." This will help you stop taking things personally.

Believing that you have control over anything but yourself is a fallacy and a result of distorted thinking. "Fair" is also a form of distorted thinking. You have probably heard the saying "life is not fair." Well, that statement is simply true. If you can come to terms with that concept, then you well be much happier.

Believing that other people will change if you complain, yell, and manipulate enough is a result of distorted thinking. People do not change when they are attacked.

Labeling is a form of distorted thinking. A specific race of people is not all bad or all good. People from each religion are not all good or bad. Blonds are not all airheads, and sometimes people with other hair color can be airheads. Not all women are subservient, and not all men are mean. You get the idea.

The belief that someone has to be right and someone wrong is an enormous fallacy. Two people can disagree, and both of them can be right. Oh, yes! You read that correctly. Two people can attend the same event, spend a day in the same place, and have totally different experiences. The "truth" for each is truth for that person or his or her reality. As a result, they can both be "right." If your thinking pattern is that someone must be wrong, then you are thinking in a "distorted" fashion. Here is a good place to address the pattern of "black and white" thinking. Things are usually not all black and all white. There are gray areas, too. In a relationship, this is also true. Not only does each partner have his or her own reality, but there are also gray areas to consider as well.

You cannot assume that someone automatically knows what you want or need just because that person loves you. Not many of us are mind readers. If you want your needs to be met and your wishes to be fulfilled, then you must clearly communicate those needs and wishes.

Let us explore what we "control" and who controls us. Control comes in two dimensions. One dimension is external, and the other dimension is internal. When we have an "external locus of control," then we believe our life is controlled by the outside world, and our actions do not influence the outcome. Having an "internal locus of control" means that we have control of our world, and we feel our actions will result in the actualization of our needs being met. Our locus of control is formed during the first months of life. If we are given help when we cry and are in need, then we form the belief that we have an influence on our world and power to have our needs met. If we cry and no one responds routinely, then we form the belief that no matter what we do, we cannot make influence our future.

If you come from an abusive family of origin, then control may be extremely important to you. Sometimes being abused means the victim is not in control of even his or her body. As these abused people become adults, then "control" may be primary concern. Reviewing what we actually have control over is an effective means to help us feel more in control of our lives.

Ultimately, the only thing we have true control of is ourselves. Control over others is not really possible. We can know another person's triggers and buttons, but he or she is the one who decides his or her feelings or if he or she will act the way we want.
Personal boundaries are important aspects to respect in order for your Goddess to feel safe in appearing.

Personal boundaries are sometimes hard to comprehend. Sometimes we have no idea what boundaries we "should" have or what boundaries we want. Only you can make this decision. Personal boundaries are your personal rules about other people being with you or in your personal "world." For example, one personal boundary might be the following: "People in my world do not call others names," or my personal boundary is "I don't stay in a relationship that is not nurturing for me." This type of boundary, or way of being in your world, will diminish your personal rights, and it may encourage the feeling of being "out of control."

Let’s start with boundaries that are not nurturing. This way of "being" will diminish your feelings of self-worth. If someone feels they are not worth much the following circumstances are tolerated:

*Others direct your life, tell you what to feel, and what to do.
*Emotional, sexual, verbal and/or physical is/are allowed.
*Trust is difficult. You do not trust anyone.
*There are no boundaries about what you talk about. You tell all.
*First sexual impulses are acted upon, and you fall "in love" immediately.
*You don't stay true to yourself, and you please others before yourself.
*You have sex to please a partner even when you don't want sex.
*You take care of your partner sexually without regard for your own wishes. For instance, you have sex even when you just want to be held.

People with poor boundaries don't notice other's poor boundaries. Boundaries have the potential to be nurturing. 
These boundaries, or way of being in your world, will increase your feeling of control over your world, and it will encourage your self-worth to grow:

Trust is not immediately given to others, but trust is appropriately granted if a person proves him/herself to be trustworthy.
You talk about yourself when you know it is safe, and you reveal only what is needed and appropriate.
Falling in love is done in steps, and your thinking is clear.
Self-pleasure is important to you in any sexual activity.
"No" is an active part of your vocabulary, and you use it when you don't want to participate or accept something.
Communication of your needs and wants are clear. You don't expect others to fulfill those needs automatically, but you are clear in your asking because you know your friends and partners are not mind readers.
You stay in touch with your own values regardless of the needs of others.
You ask permission before you touch others, and you ask for the same respect.
You notice when others are displaying inappropriate and/or poor boundaries.
You notice when others are not respecting your personal boundaries.

Okay, the Goddess is beginning to understand why she does not come out to play much. Explore your rights, your control of your world, your personal boundaries, and begin with Mama Gena's book...

Here is an oath to yourself, repeat after me:
I promise to remember I am in charge of my life. 
I am in control of my environment, and I am in control of who shares my space. 
Whatever has happened in my past does not matter because I am in charge now.
I promise to confront anyone in my life who is abusive and/or does not express respect for my privacy. 
I promise to demand respect for myself, my friends, my partners, and my children.
I promise to notice my feelings and honor they are real, mine, and right. 
My feelings tell me what is going on in my world.
I promise to take responsibility for my emotional health, actions, and behaviors.
I promise to pay attention to the quality of people I let into my life.

Welcome to your inner Goddess!
©Copyright 2010 by Yvonne Sinclair M.A., LMFT. All Rights Reserved. All material is owned and protected. Reproduction without the express written consent of the author is forbidden.*